Work Like a Japanese

At the same school and same day where I taught Jeopardy (prev. blog) I was making small talk with an instructor.

"How was your summer vacation?" I asked her.

"Oh, great. I went to Cambodia and Vietnam for a few weeks with ABC-sensei, XYZ-sensei and R2D2-sensei. (not their real names.) How about you Kirk? How was your summer holiday?"

"It was ok, but a little short. I had a week off so I stayed around here and went swimming, fixed an old motorbike, and saw some friends."

"Oh? Only a week?" (This happens every time. People in the schools I visit can never remember that I work in an office that stays open even though they are on holiday.)

"Yeah, just a week. But I had a good time."

"Wow, you work too hard. You work like a Japanese."

Since I'm in the mood for tests here's a quickie:

**** QUIZ ****
Based on the preceding conversation, match the nationality with the ability to work like a Japanese.

LMNOP-sensei (Japanese) works like Japanese / took a long holiday to SE Asia
ABC-sensei (Japanese) works like Japanese / took a long holiday to SE Asia
XYZ-sensei (Japanese) works like Japanese / took a long holiday to SE Asia
R2D2-sensei (Japanese) works like Japanese / took a long holiday to SE Asia
Kirk-sensei (war-mongering American) works like Japanese / took a long holiday to SE Asia

********
As an extra hint, remember this is the school I visit once a week (teachers there have 15-18 classes all at same location using same text vs. my 30 at various locations with various texts, ages, levels.) and I got to think of the 25 game questions (admittedly boring but hey I had no time) vs. the 5 each for the other 2 teachers (see jeopardy blog.) In addition, it's also the same school/day where the day started out with an argument between me and a teacher there (R2D2-sensei) because she was too busy to make any lesson plans and wants me to make them all because I'm "such a talented, experienced teacher." That way, I (Kirk) can do anything I want. So you see, it's actually for my sake that they are giving me their work.

Don't spend too long on the quiz, now, it's just for fun.

Jeopardy

Sometimes I think there is a secret society of teachers who try to use subtle means of influencing young Japanese people's attitudes about politics. For example, I have taught classes to practice for university entrance exams and every fifth question is about the bombing of Hiroshima and is usually filled with gory details like "She felt the skin on her back erupt in flames as her eyeballs melted." You think I'm exaggerating. Needless to say I have never seen a Battan Death March multiple choice.

Anyway, today I was "team teaching" (don't ask) a class of 14 year-olds and the other teacher decided we should play Jeopardy. Jeopardy is an American TV quiz show. Bsicaly you choose a question for X number of points and answer said question.

The other 2 teachers made 10 questions for 2 countries (5 questions each) and I got to make 25 for 5 countries, the logic being I've visited those 5 places whereas the other teachers have only been to 2. That pretty much explains how team teaching works in a nutshell.

My questions were pretty boring. What's the capital of Malaysia, for example. (answer: Malaysia City)

Okay, from the following section, can you guess which countries I made the questions for?

"Thailand for 10"
"What's the capital of Thaland?"
"Thailand City. (correct) Next, Malaysia for 40"
"What's the name of Malaysian money?"
"Dollar?"
"No I'm sorry, ok team 4, your chance."
"Vietnam for 30"
"What country invaded Vietnam and colonized it, and after that what big country attacked it and killed millions of its people? Pleas say both countries."
"France and America. (correct) Next, Vietnam for 20"
"In the War Crimes museum, what did I see?"
"Photos?"
"Yes, photos of dead women, and babies deformed by US chemicals."
"Ok, we want Cambodia for 30"
"Why is Angkor Watt in bad condition?"
"No money?"
"Mmm, maybe but more importantly it was damaged by robbers and American bombing. Sorry. Okay, team 5 your choice."
"Philippines for 20"

this is where one teacher considered changing the written question (Team Teaching Mantra: "Be flexible!") to something like "How many women were raped when Japan pillaged Manilla?" or something along those lines but instead I stuck to my original boring plan:

"Right Philippines for 20... it is 10am in Japan now, what time is it in the Philippines?"

Seattle

My student, a woman aged 28, just returned from her first trip to the USA. Many Japanese visit LA so they think LA = USA so I often tell them to try someplace else, like San Francisco or Seattle, NYC or even New Orleans.

What did she think of Seattle, one of the more happening, thriving cities in America where lots of people have moved to of late? It was very beautiful but everyone was fat and the food sucked and American people don't eat vegetables and Japanese food is the best.

I hear the fat thing a lot. Everyone's always like "So many fat people? Why? Why?" Yeah, I know there are a lot of fat people. Get over it. Lots of Japanese have bad teeth. Why, why? Japan has one of the highest rates of anorexia. Many old women are crippled by spine and leg problems. Why, why? I don't know, and who cares? Is it that important on your holiday?

It like someone visiting Kyoto and missing all the temples because they kept noticing all the old women with bow legs who are unable to stand upright. Hey Mike, how was the Temple of the Golden Pavilion? Oh, man you should have seen my tour guide, she had these fangs!

I try not to make a big deal out of these things but I do try to put them in perspective. For example, that class was on a Saturday and for the whole week I'd been eating out due to work related functions. Everybody knows that Japan has (a history of) great cuisine but for me, the past week in Japan had meant a lot of soggy, tepid, bland, frozen and fried food with minimal vegetables. I had the acne to prove it. The point? A week of eating on the run usually doesn't taste good. I know, I know, a week in Italy or Thailand would taste good, but I know that most of my students are afraid to use english so they eat in big chain restaurants with easy menus, or they get fast food to go. My friend's mom visited here from Canada and she complained she didn't get enough vegetables. And we took care of the ordering for her! Maybe she thinks maple syrup is a vegetable.

Moving on I said "Ok, besides the fat people, did you see anything nice or interesting?"
"Sooooo many fat people! Very big."
"Yeah, you already said that. Any interesting buildings or shopping? There're a lot of cafes in Seattle. Did you go to a park? Could you see Mt. Ranier?"
"Those people were twice my size! And the breakfast I got at Denny's was way too big." (forms imaginary 50cm (16 in.) plate with hands.)
"Well, don't eat it all. Food is cheap. How was your hotel?"
"The bellboy was so fat."

on and on ad nauseum.

Photos of Dirt

Okay, the previous blog was about how for some reason, Japanese schools have dirt playing fields. Most Japanese are convinced that there is some mystical reason for it, that is has something to do with the uniqueness of the Japanese archipelago etc but my theory is different. I think that after the war, the country embarked on a massive rebuilding project that included schools. School design is very standardized. I kind of like the design of most Japanese high schools. There are a lot of windows for example. It is also a modular design: a small school gets one concrete block, medium school two and so on. Sometimes schools expand by simply adding another block and connecting it with a bridge. Need another floor? Stick a block on top. They're very modular.

So, according to my theory, 60 years ago when dirt was still a soup ingredient in the impoverished land, they didn't bother planting grass. Quick, think of kids in the 3rd world playing soccer: do you have an image of them barefoot with a makeshift ball on a lush green carpet worthy of a golf tournament? No, you have them barefoot with a makeshift ball running around on dirt.

So i figure they just never bothered changing the plans that have worked so well for 60 years. In the meantime people convinced themselves that it is some kind of revered tradition. More so than other places I think Japan falls into this trap. okay, for example, lots of young Japanese brides demand a wedding with 3 Cinderella dress changes and a huge cake with smoke coming out of the bottom. They feel it's their birthright even though it's a variation of an imported custom that is maybe 30 or 40 years old. Try to change it and it's like spitting on the bible. (Americans for instance think the same about the words "In God we trust" on our currency even though that's only been there for about 50 years.)

So don't question the dirt, man!



Let's look at that photo again. This is actually a very nice school. Inside it has all the latest multimedia equipment. The entire top floor is a lounge/ cafeteria where students can enjoy the view. You'll see to the right the extracurricular buildings for sports and music. Even the sports ground itself has a nice running track going around it. What's that? You want grass? What are you nuts? It's too expensive.

I've played soccer on these fields on a dry autumn day and you can't even see where you're going, let alone breathe. Definitely don't fall down.

Here's another:


It's a tennis court across the street from the above school. That's right -- beaches are made of concrete and tennis courts are made of dirt. Because grass doesn't grow in Japan.

Grass

As any coffee table book will tell you, Japan is a beautiful country -- especially when you get away from the concrete zones. That's not as easy as it sounds because even at the ocean for example, there is a lot of concrete, supposedly to stop waves from devastating towns, but more likely to keep construction companies and hence local politicians well funded.

Those kind of problems can be hard to fix. In the US for example we seem addicted to new highways, suburban subdivisions and so on. Non-Americans wonder why we can't just snap our fingers and solve problems related to guns, drugs and so on. But it's hard and takes political commitment.

Well, anyway what I'm getting around to slowly is that I appreciate that anywhere you go, there are some entrenched problems that even locals don't like but no one seems to be able to get rid of. That being said, there are also other situations that seem like they'd be a breeze to fix and yet nobody does. For example, it's our own damn fault in the USA that there are so many huuuuuuuuge people. Solving that wouldn't be like eliminating corruption in Africa. Just don't have coke for breakfast.

What about Japan? Well one of the wierd things for me is that even though it is a lush forested country with ample rainfall, there is greenery everywhere **except on school sports grounds.**

I'll include a photo later. But it's a rule. Schools don't have grass. When they make a school, they follow a set pattern that includes a big patch of rock hard dirt in the middle for kids to play baseball and even rugby on. Ouch. If any grass sprouts up, get this, the kids have to go out and "weed" it.

People sometimes ask me "is there anything that strikes you as odd in japan" and I mention this. Everyone is surprised.
"You mean you have grass in America?"
"Sure. Probably just about every school" (Mind you I'm from NJ where it's snows in winter, yet we manage to have grass.)
"Isn't it dirty?"
"Dirtier than dirt?"
"Well, it must be dangerous."
"Why? That's what pros play on."
"Well it's too expensive."
"Yeah but every Japanese school has a pool and it's own gardener, often with a carp pond.And you have to replace the washed away dirt every year."

This gets people thinking. So usually the last explanation people come up with is (drumroll please......)

"Grass doesn't grow in Japan."

Yeah!

Headlines for Reference

I was cleaning out my desk and found an old newspaper I had clipped. Here are some headlines from it.

IMPORTANT NOTE:I'm not trying to "bash" Japan. These are just to illustrate that there is a lot of bad news here, day after day. And yet despite that bad news, there persists the perception that everything in Japan works flawlessly while the US is falling apart.

Here are the headlines:

"Ex-Takefuji exec hid 160 billion yen" (over $1 billion, a huge sum that usually only sovereign states deal with.) Major tax evasion scandal at large company.

"Tsutumi was briefed on the faking of data" the former executive knew that a major company, Seibu, falsified accounting Enron style, leading the the company going bust. Just down the road from where I write this is a vacant Seibu department store at the city's most important intersection.

"Marubeni to lead rebuilding of Daiei" somewhat good news. A consortium has been chosen to rebuild another bloated and defunct corporate giant.

"Millionaire pilot breaks nonstop solo flight record" American Steve Fosset, 60, flew solo around the world, nonstop 67 hours. Big article, half the page with big full color photo.

FROM p.2

"Tsutumi hid truth from buyers" same guy as above unloaded a bunch of shares after learning of the false accounting. Huge case of insider trading.

"Power Cut on train line in Osaka affects 64,000" sure trains are good but nobody's perfect. A month later an Osaka train derailed due to driver error, crashed into an apartment and killed dozens of people.

"Kanto hit by heavy snow" This is March and there's a big picture of commuters stuck in a blizzard in Tokyo. See blog on "But New York is Cold!" Plane flights also cancelled. New York has been 35C (95F?) for the past month but people think it's Siberia.

"Isuzu cancelled test runs to conceal illegal changes to truck" self-explanatory.

"Defense agency plans to upgrade fighter jets at Naha base in 2008" Older f4s to be replace by F15s. Article mentions that this is because F15 is better able to match Su30s in china and that Japan has about 200 F15s already. Most Japanese when asked will say "Huh? Japan has no Army."

"Hiroshima University professor arrested over Bribe"

"Ex-school principal gets life for double murder"

"KEPCO criticized over report on fatal accident" a **nuclear**power company had a ruptured pipe, covered it up, people got killed, then they tried to whitewash the incident.

"Satoya allegedly caused Roppongi club brawl" a 28 year old gold medal skier from Nagano Olympics got drunk, maybe took drugs, fought with customers and staff at a bar when they tried to prevent her from having sex with someone right there in the bar.

Ok, enough of that.

These are all headlines from the March 5, 2005 Yomiuri Shimbum newspaper which actually leans to the right so might be expected to gloss over national shortcomings. Just from pages 1 and 2! And again, my intention here is not to say "Japan is bad" but simply to point out that people in and out of Japan have this misty-eyed fantastic vision of this country and its people that is way out of step with reality. It's kinda like a movie star falling from grace and developing a substance abuse problem but everyone around chooses not to see. How is it going to get any better?

meanwhile the United States is generally perceived as a slightly better version of a stereotypical Russia: a big belligerent country that is poorly run but thanks to natural resources, large population and location carries a lot of weight anyway. Oh and produces some nice athletes sometimes.

Checking receipts

A Japanese friend told me about an article in a magazine she has that compares American and Japanese reactions to certain situations.

The magazine says that Americans tend to scrutinize their shopping receipts while Japanese tend to just toss them.

I completely agree with this, as a generalization. It's actually quite funny for me because here in Japan, the clerks are very careful about making sure you get your receipt. It's almost a ceremonial conclusion to the transaction.

If you leave without your receipt it's like slowing down and kicking your date out the car door. The cashier sort of stutters a moment then finally goes "Uh, ok, I see" and puts the receipt somewhere with a shrug. Yet right next to the register is a small bin where you can throw the receipt out, right away. And everyone does. People think it's funny that I keep mine. I don't frame it or anything but maybe I'll want to return something or in case some food went bad.

Here's a photo of a restaurant cash register. It may be hard to see but there's a small silver box in front and just to the right for you to toss your receipt into.

Anyway, the magazine went on to say, (are you ready for this?), the reason that Americans check their receipts (drumroll please) is because unlike in Japan, ***American cashiers are likely to make a mistake with the charge.**** (crash of cymbal.)

This is one of the patterns that at the moment I call "America is just a notch above third world." See previous blogs about PO boxes and hospital mixups.

Let me put it another way. If the article had been comparing Japan and Germany it would have found that Germans check their receipts and, I'm soooo certain of this, would have concluded that Germans are careful, thorough and methodical. ("Just like we Japanese. Oh except for the fact that we throw out our receipts without a glance.")

Can't get used to water

One of my students, nice guy, about 60, thinks that Japanese people can't drink the water in America. When he visits he always buys bottled. He said he had to buy bottled water in Europe, so he must not be able to drink American water either. (World = Japan and "Foreign Country") He said Japanese people can't get used to American water.

Just for the record, none of my expat friends nor my Japanese friends who have lived (not just taken a package tour) in both places have had any trouble.

He was very impressed that I can switch between American and Japanese water so easily.

short noise on the bus

(last blog was too long so I'm reposting the short version for those who don't want to read the whole thing:)

The following is a situation where people use the reasoning "This is the way things are done in japan" in order to justify getting the result they want.

I was visiting a friend in Tokushima and we were riding a local bus at about 8pm.

There were 3 young guys at the front of the bus talking to each other. My friend and I were almost at the back, talking to each other. No one else was on the bus.

A small man aged about 50 got on the bus and sat directly behind me. Almost the second he sat down he leaned over and started waving his hand in front of my face to get my attention and saying "excuse me, excuse me" People like that usually just want to practice thier english and find out where you are from, if you can eat sushi and so on.

Not this guy. Before his butt had even warmed up the seat he informed us (in English) "Excuse me but in Japan people do not speak so loudly on the bus. Please--" and he made the "shh" sign with a finger over his lips. He had a cold look on his face.

Noise on Bus

The following is a situation where people use the reasoning "This is the way things are done in Japan" in order to justify getting the result they want.

I was visiting a friend in Tokushima and we were riding a local bus at about 8pm.

There were 3 young guys at the front of the bus talking to each other. My friend and I were almost at the back, talking to each other. No one else was on the bus.

A small man aged about 50 got on the bus and sat directly behind me. Almost the second he sat down he leaned over and started waving his hand in front of my face to get my attention and saying "excuse me, excuse me" People like that usually just want to practice their English and find out where you are from, if you can eat sushi and so on.

Not this guy. Before his butt had even warmed up the seat he informed us (in English) "Excuse me but in Japan people do not speak so loudly on the bus. Please--" and he made the "shh" sign with a finger over his lips. He had a cold look on his face.

Not only had he been on the bus all of about 10 seconds, we were just a minute from the final stop where everyone was getting off. But he couldn't hold out that long. So much for "gaman suru."

This blog is about people's opinions in general, and I realize that this guy is simply an uptight guy, but anyway he's an example of how some people think. A lot of people think foreigners are noisy. It comes up a lot. Foreigners can have a hard time renting an apartment and the reason some landlords give is that foreigners are noisy. If you live here, it just gets a little more annoying when people preface things with "In Japan..." And so on. I wouldn't have minded half as much if he had just said "Would you guys keep it down a little please?" If some Vietnamese kids in America threw their empty soda cans on the ground I wouldn't say "In America we put our cans in the trash." Instead I'd just say "Hey don't do that."

Not to mention the people that are likely to use that rationale tend to be sticks-in-the-mud who want you to do things their way. A foreign friend of mine was riding in a car with his supervisor. They were in a small street in the small town where they lived, going slowly. My friend saw a Japanese friend of his and as they rode by said "Hey Taku! How's it going?" (in Japanese) and not even loudly. His supervisor got very upset and said "In Japan we don't do that! We don't hang out of car windows and shout to our friends!" Actually people do but she could use the "cultural" thing as a tool to get what she wants. If you disagree it's an affront to the entire culture.

Imagine if you had an uptight aunt and you had the Jordanian exchange student over for a BBQ. Maybe he put a lot of ketchup on his burger and your uptight aunt, being meddlesome by nature, said "Anwar, in America we don't put so much ketchup on our food!" to get him to fit her view of the world. (ie "I don't like the way these young people are sloppy and have poor table manners.") She should have just said "Whoah Anwar! That's a lot of ketchup! Are you sure you want so much?" That's the kind of thing you can expect to encounter as a foreigner in Japan in 2005. Granted, it's not everyone but it's not uncommon either.

Fireworks

I met a young woman at a fireworks festival last night. She had lived in England for a year and spoke decent English.

During a lull in the show she told me that she didn't like foreign fireworks (the world is divided into 2 parts: Japan and a land called Foreign) "because they are all the same color."

She asked me what I thought about Japanese fireworks. I said they are very good but much faster than American, oops, I mean foreign ones. She was shocked by this and denied it vehemently.

There's nothing wrong with the pace of Japanese fireworks but I think Japan likes to think of itself as an idyllic place that was invaded by fast-food chains. So the idea that America, the home of rap music, might have something old-fashioned like fireworks set off at a slower pace is disconcerting. Everyone I mention the fireworks speed thing to is surprised and skeptical. I think if I mentioned the speed of fireworks to people in America they'd just kind of go "Hmmm. Japanese fireworks seem faster. No kidding." or else not give a darn.

I could be totally wrong about which country's fireworks are faster. It may be impossible to tell. But that doesn't matter. What matters here is that everyone I mention it to is taken aback.

By the way, while the aforementioned young woman was vehemently protesting my observations, as if on cue the show started up again in rapid-fire. Bam-ba-bam-bam-bam! I just pointed towards the display and walked away.

cops & jogging postscript

Two days have passed since jogging incident.

The way I see it, someone called me in, the cops responded, found me to fit the description and here's the important part, *decided I wasn't crazed* and having done their job returned to the station. They got a call, checked it out, went home. I almost feel bad for them.

The next day I checked with people at work to get some reactions. There were no news reports of any trouble such as break-ins at the youth hostel by the way. :

1. Mentioned it to a really good class. Nice people. My students often ask me out for dinner parties and what not but this is about the only class that I'll make room for in my busy social schedule. I told them the story and they all went. "Hmm... oh the youth hostel in that part of town! I hear it's really nice. They serve many different kinds of sake there." and proceeded to talk for 5 minutes about how nice the youth hostel is. Well, they probably were embarrassed by the cop topic and didn't want the conversation to go that way. Fair enough, they're not paying money to feel bad. There's church for that.

2. Mentioned it to some fellow teachers. A British woman said "Wow. Yeah, we don't know what really happened but it certainly does look fishy."

3. A teacher who is Japanese tut-tutted and said "Don't be silly. They are just looking for high school boys on motorcycles."

I said "Do I look like a high school boy?" And do high school boys on motorcycles tend to run around in shiny jogging shoes, uh, without motorcycles? Not to mention there were no kids on motorcycles that night and when there are I have never seen a cop in my neighborhood. I've lived in the same house for 8 years. There was also nothing in the papers about a high school boy motorcycle gang jamboree at the youth hostel. Thanks for your thoughtful input though.

4. Another group of students took it seriously. They believed that someone probably did call the police after seeing me jogging. After careful consideration they said "Well, you are big and tall foreigner so they think you are a scary person." Which I think is an honest observation but basically only serves to emphasize my point.

5, mentioned it to a Japanese friend. She sympathized and agreed it was likely someone called the cops but pointed out that some people are just plain nuts. For example, she works in a bank and one of her customers always requests the money she withdraws be put in a special envelope because people are following her.

No. 5 seems like the most plausible explanation to me, basically because it closely matches my insightful-yet-open-to- suggestions idea of what happened. I have a merit badge in plausibility. I even like the sound of the root word, especially if I say it with a slight new jersey accent. "Plaus..." Go on, say it a couple of times. Plaus, plaus, plaus. Or, for those of you from Long island "Plawz"

Not to obsess here, but something is worth pointing out. Sure, there are nutcases everywhere. In peaceful societies they seem to be the ones getting the most handholding from the police. But I ask you, if I had called the local Kochi police and said "Hey guys, you gotta help me! I saw a strange Japanese guy jog in front of my house!" would they respond by immediately sending over 2 squad cars?

Jogging

I just got back from a quick jog. It's hard to sleep lately, maybe because of the heat, I don't know, but I figured exercise might be better than booze. Besides I like jogging and it's too damn hot to jog during the day (34C, strong sun and humid.) Lately I've been jogging about 2x a week around 11pm.

Tonight I set out at a little after midnight and took a dfferent route. On my way home I took off my shirt. After I passed my house I continued walking for a while to cool down.

As I went around the bend, two police cars were creeping along towards me.

okay, gaijin with a shirt off running around at midnight. Looks funny I guess. I can kinda see that. But not funny enough to call the cops.

I kept walking at the same pace, and as each car crept by the police inside checked me out and talked into their collar mounted radios. I looked back at them as one would.

They kept moving, so did I. After 2 more minutes of walking I was ready to head home. On my way home I passed them at the same spot near my house. One cop put down the window and asked me if I had been at the youth hostel tonight. I said no, I live around here. People in Japan get naked in hot springs but don't take their shirts off in public. Usually I wouldn't out of courtesy but it's soooo hot and no one is around. So it was probably bad form of me to stand there addressing a cop with my hairy chest dripping sweat. (I promise to upload a photo later)

So the cop said "Just taking a walk?" he was very polite and didn't seem to be harassing me at all.

"Well, jogging," I said, pumping my arms and showing my very new, very flashy and highly reflective shoes not to be used for effective sneaking around.

"Okay, goodnight then," he said and drove away.


(<--- My running shoes. See all the 3M reflective stripes? Standard issue for ninjas and axe murderers.)

The cops were fine but as I walked home I thought about it. My new route was sorta near the Youth Hostel. If my neighborhood were the continental US and my house was NYC and the hostel was in California, well I jogged to the Mississippi and back instead of towards Florida like I usually do. So if you're really looking for a landmark, yeah I was kinda that way. Sorry for the bad explanation, it's late.

Like I said, the cops didn't bother me. They have a job to do and they were polite. But though I can't prove it, unless there was a break-in at the Youth Hostel that will appear in tomorrow's paper, odds are pretty good someone driving in my neighborhood called in a crazed foreign guy running around and the cops knew straight which house to go to. The youth hostel is a couple of KM away through several twisty streets and stoplights, but the squad cars appeared in front of my house pretty fast. What also bothers me is not only that someone would have called me in, but that there are plenty of other things wrong in my neighborhood, like little teenage motorcycle gangs, that I never see cops respond to. I was ready to give them shit about that if they hassled me. I pay taxes too and even in Japan there's nothing illegal about walking around with one's shirt off. The cops came around to my house so fast. I've had this kind of thing happen before. In this case, the cops probably figured I was the guy they got a call about, realized I'm just someone jogging, problem solved, and went back to the office.

This isn't supposed to be a blog about "Those zany/ mysterious/ impenetrable Japanese and everything that's odd about their country." It's not meant to describe all the things Japanese people do that are different from the way Americans do. It's meant to record Japanese attitudes in the year 2005. So I don't plan on "Japan bashing," not even in this post, but for the record, I would wager that people living in Kochi in the year 2005 find a foreigner running around in running gear and reflective jogging shoes on a hot summer night threatening enough to call the police and warrant an immediate dispatch of 2 squad cars. That is how some people think. But like I said, the cops were cool about it.

American car

Kochi City is great. One thing I really prefer here compared to most places in America is that I can go about my daily business on a bicycle. Work, shopping, socializing. Once you get used to it there's no going back.

Don't get me wrong. I love cars. I get "Car and Driver" magazine sent over here every month. It's just nice to have the option of not using one to get to work or go out for a beer and a game of pool.

But people I know are often surprised that I own or have figured out how to drive a car. I'm not sure why. If I snowboard or scuba dive, two challenging things to do, it wouldn't surprise anyone but driving a car in Japan -- that's just too much.

So here's the typical exchange:

"Owen, can you drive a car in Japan?"

"Sure. I have a license."

"International?" (even though know no one really knows what one is)

"No, I have a Japanese license."

(lots of blinking, uneasy glances around the room, but people usually get over it because they are eager to get to the next set of questions.)

"Owen teacher, do you have your own car in Japan?"

"I usually use my bicycle but sure, I have a car too. It's useful sometimes."
(I don't say much more because I'm waiting for the next question. ... are they gonna ask it again? please ask...drumroll...Okay, here it comes...)

"American car?"

YES!! They asked it! American car! I get such a kick out of that one. Okay, for people reading this in the year 2066 let me explain: there are about 6 American cars in all of Japan. Tokyo got 3 and each other major island got 1, thanks to a deal George HW Bush signed back in the day.

So yes, people think maybe I brought an American car over here with me. I get asked this a lot! The people who ask aren't trying to be funny either.

So when I say "Of course not!" other people tend to rationalize the situation and tell the person who asked things like:
"Yeah, of course he doesn't have an American car! American cars suck." OR

"Of course not silly! American cars are too big for Japanese roads." (Overlooking that there are buses and trucks in Japan not to mention that a Chevy Cobalt is the same size as a Honda Civic or that a Toyota Land Cruiser is a BIG car. But I digress.) OR

"Of course not. The handle is on the wrong side." (overlooking the fact that many people pay EXTRA to have a Benz with the steering wheel (aka handle) on the opposite side.) OR more esoteric ones like

"American cars can't use Japanese gasoline" OR "Foreign cars aren't used to the Japanese climate." (A lot of people believe this. Goes back to the uniqueness hangup.)

No one ever says "Of course not, taxes on foreign cars are much higher than domestic ones. And certain car parks charge more to park them." or even simply

"Why the $#@% would he have an American car here?" That's the one I'm waiting to hear.

so what was supposed to be a short blog in summation:

There are almost no American cars here but people think since I'm American I must drive one.

Are they Japanese?

ok, I'm killing time. I misread my schedule and came to work early.

My job is to talk to people. Sometimes it's about grammar, other times current events, movies, you name it. Often we just trade stories about what's hapened recently in our lives. Someone saw a movie, someone bought a new bicycle.

I told a story about how my neighbors piled thier garbage in front of my parking spot and I couldn't get my car out. It happens almost every week. I don't take it personally, I don't think it has anything to do with me being an "outsider" or any crap like that. I just think humans everywhere are big monkeys and at 7am in their pajams they want to drop the bag of garbage and get out of there as quickly as possible.

So first off, most people I mention this to can't believe my story at all. Like it couldn't happen.

So once I took a photo. I'll have to upload it later.


(That's my car, silver and towards the left. To make it even funnier, to the right of the trash pile is about 5m of open space.)

Then once people see the photo a few will ask "Are they Japanese?"

Like I've said, I live a little bit in the sticks. It's a small city. There aren't any non-japanese at all in my neighborhood. I go to the supermarket, hardware store, even the mall and won't see one. There aren't many in the entire city. But people seriously need to ask if the dozens of bags piled on the street in front of my house on garbage day (in a Japanese city) were left there by people from another country.

I mean, even in a place like New York or Toronto, with so many people from all corners of the globe, would it occur to anyone to ask "Are they Canadian?" They really need to ask this. It's a telling question. They can't believe that a Japanese person would be careless with thier household waste. I've had the same reaction from people every time. Not everyone in the room asks, but around 1 in 3.

NYC = cold

It's summer here and it's hot and muggy. Most of Japan is pretty muggy but I'm in the south so it's akin to Louisiana or Geogia in the states. Let me put it another way: a friend of mine who was born in this city but now lives in the States on a recent visit to Japan said she couldn't wait to get back to Las Vegas because she couldn't take the heat here in Kochi.

Anyway, it's been hot in the east coast of the USA recently too. So I mentioned it to people I know. New York has been 34C which (I've actually forgotten fahrenheit) is the high 90's I beleieve.

Everyone is shocked. They make the shocked noise: "Ehhhhhhhhhh?" (gradually rising intonation. Then some people think they understand. "Oh, they use a different system in Amrica. He means Fahrenheit." Of course no one can pronounce "Fahrenheit" so bedlam breaks out with a half dozen people blurting out syllables of broken German words.

"No no no," I say pointing to the big letter "C" next to the numbers 3 and 4 on the board. "It's celsius."

So everyone goes "But New York is cold!"

Ok, an important point: the issue here isn't so much that people aren't familiar with New York's climate. I'm sure most Americans have no idea what the weather is like in Tokyo for example. But the people I'm talking about who are surprised by New York's weather are people I've known for years. And every summer they are surprised that it's warm enough to take a jacket off in New York City. We go through the same routine every summer. Like if I show them a photo of me swimming at the beach in summer when I was a kid. It's steaming hot, sunburned fatsos are eating ice cream, sitting under umbrellas, but one look at the photo and they go "Looks cold." because we all know that New York Is Cold.

Oh, and in the above story, after everyone has settled down and accepted (for the time being) that it gets above "chilly" in the new York area, there inevitably will be one person who mutters "I don't get it. I don't know Fahrenheit."

Fireflies and Woodcraft

In the "Only in Japan?" category.

I was hanging out with some Japanese friends, average age about 30, the other day and they were talking about how all the fireflies are disappearing. I don't live in Tokyo, I live in the Japanese equivalent of South Carolina, but even here many bodies of water have been paved over, drained, diverted, and so on.

I mentioned how when I was a kid I used to run around on my front lawn catching fireflies. This was in New Jersey, maybe 20km from Manhattan, and densely populated.

My friends were shocked. One said, "You have fireflies in America? I thought only in Japan." And everyone else did the Emphatic Nod.

A couple of days later I was showing some tour booklets to students. I often order tourism pamphlets and use them in class because most people only know LA, Manhattan and Las Vegas so they think the area between Canada and Mexico is thousands of square miles of flashing neon lights filled with skyscrapers and latino gangs. (Much in the same way that Americans think that all of Japan looks like a Tokyo subway station at rush hour.)

Anyway, as we were flipping though a brochure on Louisiana, with the usual pictures of alligators and steamboats, one guy said "Wait, go back a page. What's that?"

So I flipped back a page. It was the back of the brochure mostly with ads for swamp fishing cottages. But there was one for a showroom of handmade wood furniture and antiques. "That one!" said the guy.

After I confirmed his suspicions by explaining the ad he said "Wow! You have handmade furniture in America? I thought only in Japan." He's a pretty smart guy in his early 60's who's been to the states several times.

So there you have it:

fireflies
handmade furniture
only in Japan.

figs

Was showing my students a catalog with foods from the US. I pointed out some Fig Newtons and said "Oh I love these cookies! But I haven't had any for a long time."

One student, about 45 years old said "You have figs in America? I thought only Japan"

Then she looked at the picture of Fig Newton cookies again (which she's obviously never eaten, having only learned of their existence a minute before) and declared "Too sweet!"

Japanese are utterly convinced that any kind of snack from the states is sickeningly sweet and that there are no sweet foods in Japan. (Not the case by the way.) When I point out Japanese snacks that are sweet most people either say

1. "It's a different kind of sweet"
2. "But chocolate chip cookies are a foreign food!" (If it's not a traditional dessert, even if it's made here by a local company.)

So there you have it: an "only in Japan" and an American stereotype in the same short comment.